Page 18 - July 2014 Catalyst

i’M getting divorCed
Henry Flowers “ e Motown Motivator”
“I’m kind of sorry to say that I’m get- ting a divorce. ere seems to be no other alternative because things just aren’t
changing. He’s doing the same thing re- peatedly and he’s determined to do his own thing.” at’s how the phone call ended between a good friend of mine and me. Her marriage of less than two years seems to be over. Although she seemed pretty upset about the whole thing, she seemed to be, in my opinion, fooling herself about her role in the way things have turned out. And unfortunately, I’ve seen this attitude play itself out too many times before.
Why is it ALWAYS about something else OTHER than the “man in the mirror” when it comes to di cult relationships?
tionships, but what has been commonly occurring for me when I counsel people is that there is always a demand for the OTHER person to change. “If he would just do this.” “If she would do less of that.” “If there was more of an e ort to be this way or that way.” ese are some of the rst things that people say when asked about why they are considering di- vorce. It’s ALWAYS the other person.
I’m learning more and more in my life, and especially in regard to my marriage, that things will never change until I change. I’m beginning to see to a greater degree that I’ve got to take personal responsibil- ity for doing my part in keeping my mar- riage together. When I change, life will change. My friend I believe that divorce
“ You must be willing to part ways with your desire to avoid con ict; to always be the one who demands change rather than demonstrates it”
I know my friend and I know that when she got married, she did not plan on get- ting divorced. But something happened after the wedding. Mostly likely it was that she began to see a side of her spouse that she either ignored, or that she didn’t see before the vows were taken. is hap- pens many times in many di erent rela-
18 CityLight.org
is just a symptom of the real problem that many of us refuse to take personal responsibility for making our lives better. We allow certain behaviors to continue because we don’t want the con ict that would happen if we took a stand against that behavior. us, we cause people to treat us in ways that we don’t like, simply
july 2014