16 CityLight.org
may 2012
arms. I don't know the details of Lola's death
but I don't think for a moment that God was
not with her. Lola was only 2 and I know she is
at peace with Jesus. I have comfort in knowing
that I will see her again.
I treasure my pictures as memories of Lola. I
never heard her laugh or cry. I never gave her
a kiss or a hug. I remember when my son first
told me this girl (as he referenced her mother)
says she's pregnant and she says it's mine. I
was disappointed. That disappointment deep-
ened when I never got to see the baby. How
could my son procreate with a girl that didn't
know his last name? Since I had never met
the baby, or her mother, I would look at ev-
ery mixed racial baby I saw (around the age I
thought the baby should be), wondering if she
was my granddaughter. Often I would ask
my son about Lola and was secretly keeping
clothes for her. Hoping that one day I would
get to meet her. I thought since we already
have a little girl, perhaps Lola's mother would
give her to us. I never admitted to myself how
much I wanted to know this child and have
her in my life. I took a backseat to let her par-
ents handle their affairs. I think I will always
feel that I should have done things differently.
As for Dannie Floyd Nichols. I frequently check
the internet for his status. I learned recently that
he pled guilty was sentenced to 20 years straight
time without parole. How does a man with a
criminal record only get 20 years for taking the
life of an innocent child, a two year old baby?
He is 25 years old. He will be in the prime of his
life at only 45 years old when he gets out. He
snuffed the life out of Lola, beat her into cardiac
arrest, and due to his sin, her life of only 2 years
and 3 months is over. She will never grow up.
life. My son was not involved in Lola's daily
life, but I know he loved her. I am not sure if
Dannie lived with Lola and her mother but
I'm guessing he was her father figure. I hope
he cared enough about her to feel the pain and
torment we were going through.
When I think of the pain Lola must have felt
from her injuries and significant head trauma.
To have been hit so hard that her life was
taken away. I am still overwhelmed with pain.
Through my prayers, God has helped me to
believe that she was never alone. He never left
her. I believe God took every blow and shield-
ed her from the pain. I believe that Lola knew
God was there. I believe God wrapped her in
his arms and preserved her for Him. He took
her so she would be safe. One of the biggest
lessons I had to learn is that our children do
not belong to us, they belong to God. They are
God's precious gifts to us, on loan
from Heaven. He creates them.
He forms them in our womb. He
gives them their personalities and
gifts them according to His de-
sign. He puts them in our care to
be nurtured. I believe within my
heart, when God's children are
being mistreated and experiencing
tragedy, He is in conversation with
them. He is ushering their special
souls back into Heaven, safe in His
Juanita Walker-Ross, Annette Balaguer
Choosing to Forgive, Never to Forget
"A Grandmother's Secret Cry"
By: Luella Redfern | Continued from page 15