may 2012
CityLight.org 17
of one's right to collect on that debt. In practi-
cal terms, forgiveness means deciding to let go
of the idea to hurt the person who has hurt
you. Choosing to forgive. This is not a matter
of good feelings or a particular state of mind.
It is a decision I make. A choice not to recip-
rocate hurt or to wish ill will on someone. It
is not inconsistent with forgiveness or faith,
to remember having been wronged and expe-
rience the feelings of pain or anger; while at
the same time, choosing not to also hurt the
person that hurt you. I was very angry with
Dannie for killing Lola. No matter what the
circumstances were, he took her life. That was a
great evil. I had to make the decision to forgive
him. That is a decision that I have to make over
and over again, and it has nothing to do with
forgetting. It is through God's love, mercy and
grace that I am able to forgive.
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. I will nev-
er forget Lola, therefore, I will never forget what
happen to her. I will never forget the pain our
family experienced in losing her. God designed
our minds in such a way that we might remember
what happens to us; our minds are like computers
with unlimited memory. When we are unable to
forget the past it does not mean that we have not
forgiven the person who wronged us, or that our
forgiveness wasn't genuine, or that we lack faith.
It simply means that we still remember the expe-
rience and the feelings associated with the pain.
There are some things, perhaps, I would prefer
to forget. However, I never want to forget the
memory of Lola's existence.
l
uella
r
edfern
Executive Director
Esther Women
I was hurt, disappointed and yes angry when
I found out that Dannie only got 20 years.
We had no prior notice of his sentencing.
Realizing that nothing will bring Lola back,
God reminded me of my prayer. I had prayed,
"Lord I surrender to you. I will not let my
heart be hardened. God I will not let Dannie's
sin separate me from you." Whatever hap-
pens to him is between you and him. Whatev-
er the court decides, I will render unto Ceasar
that which is Caesar's. No matter what, this
young man has to live with what he did. I be-
lieve with all my heart that he will suffer for
the rest of his life because he will never for-
get what he did to her. He will remember her
laughter and her cries.
Today Lola would have been 4 and a half
years old. Perhaps in four year old kinder-
garten. When I think of her, I also think of all
of the other precious children, babies trapped
in the sin and the mistakes of their parents.
Living in danger. These children did not ask
to come into this world. Some came out of
wedlock and others came through married
couples. No matter how they got here, it is
up to us parents and grandparents to protect
them. Many of these children are trapped in
the hell of their parents, who should be tak-
ing care of them. They have no choice, they
depend on you to protect them. Never leave
your children alone with someone you don't
know. Trust your "Gut Feeling." A message
to all that have beautiful babies, know who's
keeping your children. The loss of a child, and
the loss of a grandchild for your parents, is
not a cross you want to bare.
The Bible tells us "to forgive" and "to let go"
when someone does a great evil and commits
an injustice against us. Consequently, the of-
fender has incurred a debt to us. The New
Testament defines forgiveness as "letting go"
"When we are unable to forget the past it does not mean
that we have not forgiven the person who wronged us, or
that our forgiveness wasn't genuine, or that we lack faith.
It simply means that we still remember the experience and
the feelings associated with the pain. "