42 CityLight.org
may 2012
ing. From that point on, my sanguine wife
decided to make money and have fun. She
did, or at least that's what it looked like
from my vantage point.
I began to seek counsel on how to get my
wayward wife back on track. Sherri's uncle
Roger (a pastor) had informed me of a guy
name Dr. Talley a while back and I had
sent a few people from my congregation
to him for marriage help. My marriage
was heading south fast, so I decided to
make an appointment and take my wife
in for a tune-up and a straightening out.
It was mid to late June of 2000 when my
wife agreed to go to counseling with me.
I needed him to straighten her out, be-
cause her behavior was starting to affect
my ministry. We talked to Dr. Talley for
about 45 minutes and when our time for
that session was up, he looked at me and
said. "Mister, it's time for you to get your
priorities in order, or this sweet lady will
end up killing herself."
What!!??? Me and my priorities!!??? What
about her and her priorities!!?? He said
more, "She is behaving normal for some-
one who has been beaten up and abused
by the church and people who are sup-
posed to protect her!"
I was very quiet and angry for the next
few minutes. I then asked him what I was
supposed to do.
Dr. Talley said it's simple, you have to get
a grip on your priorities and then get out
of the ministry until you can do paid min-
istry without damaging your family.
It was a Tuesday morning, without too
much thinking on my part, I called my
church board and asked them to meet
me at the building that night. Two out
of three elders and three out of four dea-
cons met me that evening. I ripped off the
"band-aid" in the first five minutes, letting
them know I was giving them 30 days no-
tice. The assumption was, that I was of-
fered a bigger, better ministry somewhere
else. They asked me where was going to
be moving. I told them I had no idea, but
would be moving into the city in 30 days.
I was surprised and affirmed by their re-
sponse. They didn't mean any harm, in fact
I believe they had good intentions when
they told me they knew my wife was act-
ing irrational and I was welcome to con-
tinue being their pastor even if I got a di-
vorce. They were and are good men, but
were clearly more interested in the growth
and stability of the church, than saving of
my wife and family. For the next 30 days I
walked through life with blinders on and
made it through life one day at a time.
The next thing I knew, I was working as a
waiter at a seafood restaurant and driving
a school bus in Edmond, Oklahoma.
Over the next three years things got
much worse, before it got better. When
I followed Dr. Talley's advice, things
would get better. When I ignored his
advice, things got worse. The best thing
he told us was that relationship growth
and improvement always feels, "Three
steps forward and two steps back. The
two back steps always feel straight
down." The enemy wants us to give up.
Even though the two steps back feels
straight down, don't give up.
It's been a decade since Sherri and I made
our first appointment with Dr. Talley.
God has blessed our family and marriage
in many ways. This has caused me to have
hope for any couple and any marriage, no
matter how bad they FEEL about things.
Real Men Hug Porcupines
Continued from pg 26